420 For the Fail
by ImmatureMadHouse
Summary: 4.20 goes horribly wrong...


**Hey! Guess who? It's the crazy girl again! xD So anyway, my friend and I got really bored and decided to write a funny Naruto crack-fic, which is going to probably be multiple chapters and each chapter will be a new story. So yeah, my attempt at crack. Humor may be humorless, but review with some constructive critisissmsms(however the fuck you spell it) and enjoy!**

**Because I deem it appropriate:**

**Warning!: What you are going to be reading invovles major drug usage, cursing, future lemons, raver parties(which are never good things), misuses of a banana, bad adults!(hehe), sick humor, girl on girl content, man on man content, and some pansexuality. If you don't like any of those, I really sugguest you don't read this. Thanks!**

**~ImmatureMadHouse**

**Prologue**

**(Just a little taste of what it may be like)**

The best day in the entire year was today...

The day where being crazy didn't matter and red, yellow, and green were the colors everyone wore proudly,

It was 4.20!

Uzumaki Naruto woke up sleepily as his cell phone rang, blasting some heavy metal song his best friend Uchiha Sasuke had chosen. When he looked at the caller I.D. he groaned.

_Sexy Beast... _Was displayed in pixel letters on his out dated phone, and at the time he really didn't want to answer it. It was six in the god damned morning, and he'd be damned if he was waking up any earlier then twelve! He knew the plans for today, and his adopted father Jiraiya really didn't care where he was.

With a reluctant sigh he flipped his phone open and pressed it to his ear as he brushed his blonde hair out of his eyes...

"Dobe, where the fuck are you?" The famous voice of a certain young Uchiha rang in his ear, a very sexy voice at that.

"In bed," Naruto replied quickly.

The raven haired boy sighed into the phone, "You were supposed to be up at five! We're all at my house so get your ass over here!"

"Come on, teme! You know I don't wake up before twelve on breaks."

"Not the point baka!"

"Would you stop yelling at me!"

"Your the one whose yelling!"

"Why is there screaming in the background?"

"Because the drug dealers here!"

"...drug dealer?"

"That's why I said be here at five, to pick what drink you wanted!"

"What drugs we got right now?"

"...Angel dust, white ferrarri, bud, LSD, shrooms, nitrus, and a little bit of meth."

"And the drinks?"

"Four lokos, watermelon smirnoff, bicardi, captain morgan, coconut gin, moonshine, a bunch of six packs, and some other shit."

"...Bro...we're all gunna die..."

"I know!"

The line went dead...

oOo

Naruto dressed in his usual bullshit gear.

A loose orange T-shirt, faded black skinnies and a pair of Converses.

As he walked over to the Uchiha estate he considered what they were about to do...Angel Dust, Lsd, Shrooms, meth. The possibilities of how they could all die were endless...and he was fucking excited. The first time he did LSD he had an extremely bad trip. He thought Neji was trying to rape him at that Sakura was a prostitute from Shouga district. It was fairly scary.

When he tried shrooms, it was just him and Sasuke. Both boys had ended up walking to Dunkin' Donuts and constantly asking the staff for cheeseburgers. The cops were called and Sasuke had weaseled them out of it with his Uchiha charm. Which really meant he gave the officer a wad of fifties and both boys walked off.

When he tried ecstacy, he though he was dieing. It was probably the worst high for him, and he was skeptical on doing it again. The events that happened the night the two boys had popped E were never to be spoken of. Naruto was pretty sure they killed someone...

Said blonde haired boy walked up to the front door of the large brick mansion and let himself in, knowing everyone would be in the living room. He kicked off his converse and walked through the elegant halls of the home.

All he had to do was follow the sound of blasting music and winded up walking into a room of bored ass teenagers.

Naruto looked around him...no one had noticed him.

"Where the fuck is that whiskered faggot?" Shikamaru growled from the love seat, which he was currently sitting in.

"Right here you pineapple headed butt fuck!" Naruto said and the group all turned around to look at him.

` "Finally you head fuck! We've been waiting for two hours!" Sakura yelled from the couch which she was laying on with Ino. Ino was currently lapping at Sakura's neck, her blue eyes lidded.

"Aw, you guys didn't wanna' get fucked up with out me. That's sweet!" Naruto said and padded over to the recliner and fell into the plush leather seat.

Everyone looked happy as soon as he arrived. They could finally pick their poison and have the best 4.20 of their lives.

Sakura and Ino both headed for the pills, which were both their favorites.

Shikamaru made two lines of the yellowish meth on the coffee table, excited to finally be able to get high.

Neji grabbed himself a bag of k3 and a jay paper and began to roll, smiling as Hinata picked herself up a dub of bud and a pink berry blunt fill.

Tenten was sipping Vodka, not particularly interested in the large assortment of drugs on the table. Except maybe the angel dust...

Sasuke came padding through the threshold of his living room, carrying a syringe and a square piece of tin foil.

Naruto watched in sick amusment as his fucked up friends all used their drugs of choice at the same time.

Sasuke fell into the chair beside Naruto, tieing an elastic band around his forearm. He had a spoon and a lighter on his lap. Naruto tried not to notice that he was shirtless.

"Hn, dobe, why aren't you rolling up?" Sasuke asked, the end of the blue elastic between his ivory teeth as he pulled the knot tight.

"I dunno'," The blonde said, but picked up a bag of k2, bud, and down to earth, pulling a dollar bill out of his pocket and folding it in half long ways.

"There we go," Sakura laughed as Naruto began breaking up his drug of choice, apparently her and Ino's E hadn't kicked in yet.

Shikamaru was sitting back, trying to hold on to his last minutes of soberness. Everyone here was a junkie with something, all expierenced with what they were taking. It was sick...in a good way.

Neji was lighting up his joint(s). He had rolled four, and sparked them all up at the same time and placed them between his lips, inhaling like a madman. Hinata had finished her blunt and was steaming her leaf for her second, but looked like she was using a dutch instead of a blunt fill that time.

Sasuke placed his heroin in his spoon and lit the lighter underneath it.

A few moments later it was melted and he picked it up in his syringe and shot himself up with it. The sick fuck. He'd taken .35 milograms. That bitch was gunna' die!

Naruto finally finished his roll after another minute and pulled his lucky red lighter out of his back pocket, sparking up his blunt and taking a nice long drag.

"Anyone have any boges?" Ino asked, leaning back into the leather couch and counting the tiles on the cieling, her eyes red as fuck.

Sakura was in the same position, but looked like she was extremely fucked up. She must've taken half of another pill.

Everyone was high.

oOo

"Oh my God! Ohmygod, ohmygod, omygod, omgod!" Sakura cried as she tripped from the base dropping on the dubstep track that was blasting.

The whole living room was hotboxed. Smoke in the air, curling in the small square of light exposed from the curtains that weren't drawn shut completely.

Everyone had a blunt in their mouth, along with crushed up oxy's inside it. Everyone had traded drugs, and now the eight teens all layed sprawled on the leathers couches, high out of their minds.

"Thank God for 4.20!" Neji croaked from the couch, eyes crossing slightly as he tried to look at the green tattoo on his forehead.

"You can't look at your own face, Neji!" Ino screamed at him, switching between cigarrett and blunt.

"Yes I can!" He screamed back, his past calm persona gone and replaced with Neji-the-high-as-fuck-bastard. Tenten snickered as she played with his chestnut colored, long hair. She wondered if he used pantene...

"No you can't! It's not humanly possible," The petite blonde retorted, pulling her fingers through her girlfriends pink hair.

"That's why mirrors were invented," Shikamaru said, lying on the floor and keeping his eyes wide, feeling his skin crawling like thousand of insects were on his skin.

"Oh...," Neji said, a rere smile on his face.

"You people are a bunch of boring fucks, aren't you?" Sasuke said, who even though had three blunts to himself, one oxy, a four loko, and 35. milograms of heroin running in his blood stream, still managed to act the same.

"Let's do something," Naruto sugguested, drinking the bottle of captain morgan straight.

"Let's have a sexy party!" Hinata sugguested.

"That's to easy, I would win," Neji replied cooly, a sly smile on his face as he stared at Sasuke.

"I beg to differ!" Sakura screeched, Ino a bit startled at her sudden out burst, the two were a fury of tangeled legs and arms, laying on each other on the smallest couch in the room.

Neji slowly began pulling his shirt up, taking slow hits of his blunt, by the time his shirt reached his navel, Sakura was nursing a nose bleed.

"Point taken," She said numbly as she relaxed back against Ino.

Tenten smiled some strange smile and then said, "Guys, I have the perfect idea for an invention! Okay so it has four wheels, and a base, there's a seat in the front with a steering wheel and-"

"Tenten?" Shikamaru said.

"Yes?"

"Thats already been invented..."

"WHO THE FUCK STOLE MY IDEA?" She screamed, making Neji jumpy.

"...Sasuke."

"Sasuke you dumb faggot! I'm gunna shave the side of your hair off!" Tenten screamed again, making Sasuke face palm as she ran to his upstairs bathroom.

"What the fuck did she take," Sakura broke away from her and Ino's heated kiss to ask.

"...Angel dust...," Shikamaru said, eyes suddenly widening.

"Doesn't Tenten have a thing for sharp objects?" Ino asked slowly, a hint of fear tinging her slurry voice.

Naruto, probably the least high out of the group, nodded slowly. Everyone began to get up quietly, trying not to make a sound. Ino and Sakura untangeled themselves, Shikamaru got up from the floor, Neji was pulled up by Hinata, and Sasuke got up after Naruto.

"Sasuke...where do we hide?" Sakura asked, feeling her hands shaking.

"I don't know...," He whispered, but then and idea hit him. He beckoned for everyone to follow him.

They all did, trying carefully not to stumble in their sloppy states. Neji was the loudest of them all, knocking over a five thousand dollar vase and laughing like an idiot. Hinata tied his hair around his mouth.

"Shut the fuck up, do you want your physco girlfriend to find us?" Naruto hissed, making Neji laugh even louder.

"...That's impossible," Though for the hair in his mouth he spoke perfectly clear, "Cuz' I'm gay."

No body even gave him a second look. They had already known. No man has such perfect hair like that.

The group continued to walk until Sasuke paused at a door Naruto hadn't ever seen before. The raven haired gave everyone one last look before pushing the door open and revealing a flight of stairs that led to a basement.

"Hey, teme, how come I never saw this part of your house before, I mean...I practically live here," Naruto whispered harshly, his breath on the back of the Uchiha's neck. The raven haired boy supressed a shudder of pleasure.

Everyone was still really fucked up, and this 4.20 was beginning to turn into a nightmare. Naruto wanted to run to his house and rip down every Bob Marley poster he owned. He was high as fuck on k3, bud, down to earth, oxy cotton, xanax, and a little bit of E. He was sure he should be dead, along with everyone else that was slowly walking down the stairs behind Sasuke.

"Sauce-gay, where the fuck are we going?" Ino growled, Sakura pressed tightly behind her as Shikamaru closed the door behind him, since he was the last in the line.

"Lock that door, Shikamaru," Sasuke said, starting to get a cold flash.

He needed a blanket...

Upstairs, Tenten screamed and began bounding down the stairs that brought her back to the living room.

"Guys! Where the fuck you be at?" Tenten called, something got thrown.

Shikamaru followed the instructions clumsily, and when everyone was at the bottom of the stairs, he slipped on something slippery and fell chest first down the stairs. Sakura burst out into laughter when he landed in a particularly awkward position.

"SHIKA!" Neji roared, blind as fuck in the pitch black basement.

Everyone stumbled around in the dark for a moment, bumping into each other and into the walls.

"Oh...damn Sasuke I didn`t know you knew me like that," Neji said, almost huskily.

"W-what? What am I grabbing?"

"My ass baby."

"Oh fuck!"

"Wait come back!"

"Wait...NEJI! Get the fuck off me!"

"YOU KNOW YOU WANT THIS! AFTER ALL THE YEARS OF THE SEXUAL TENSION BETWEEN US!"

"You crazy fucker, what're you talking about!"

"Don't deny me!"

"NARUTO HELP!"

"Ya'll are a bunch of fags."

"Word."

"Turn a light on Teme!"

"I am Dobe!"

"Why do you two have pet names for each other...isn't that gay?"

"SHUT UP!" Both boys yelled.

Ino kept her blonde mouth shut.

A moment later a pool of light flicked on and gave the large basement a small light, enough for everyone to see. There was a bed next to the lamp, which was sitting on a bedside table. In the basement there was a kitchen in one section, a bathroom, and another room which had mats on the floor and a punching bag. The living room had a large LCD screen T.V. which hung from the wall, leather couches and a coffee table, and on the far side was a fireplace with chairs by it.

Neji had Sasuke pressed against the wall, being choked from behind by Naruto who was trying to rescue his uke.

"Whose room is this, Sauce-gay?" Ino asked, looking around with mild curiousity, and trying to keep herself steady as Sakura grinded up behind her.

Sasuke got deadly serious..., "This room...," He started, "Belongs to...,"

Everyone got close to hear what he would say next,

"Uchiha...Itachi," He finished, and everyone's eyes got wide, he pushed Neji off him right after that, and Neji snickered and backed up whilst Naruto released his neck.

"_The_ Uchiha Itachi?" Sakura asked, her green eyes looking huge in her pale face.

"The very one," Sasuke replied.

"You mean the guy who has long, sexy hair and kinda' looks like a faggoty cross dresser?" Neji asked, dead seriouse.

"Yeah, yeah I think thats him," Naruto nodded.

"No, you asshole! My older brother whose in that really rere gang...Akatsuckbawls? I mean Akatsuki," Sasuke said, trying to keep his features humorless.

"Admit it Sasuke, your older brother's a ReRe cross dresser who constantly tries to have sex with you," Shikamaru said, plopping himelf down on one of the couches and flicking on the T.V.

"It's true," Sasuke said and wandered over to the kitchen, still shirtless for some reason and wearing a pair of loose sweat pants.

"Sasuke you bum! Put some clothes on!" Ino called from the couch, pulling away from fiercly making out with Sakura.

"Ino, you slut! Stop trying to fuck Sakura constantly!" Sasuke called back, grabbing some weird drink from the fridge.

"Fine I will! Shikamaru, you wanna fuck?"

"Too lazy..."

Neji was in the kitchen with Sasuke, who was trying to get some water from the fridges dispenser, but it would come out no matter how many times he put his cup under it. Neji grabbed a cup from the cupboard and pushed Sasuke's glass away, pressing his cup onto the button and having water fill up his glass.

"How'd you do that?" Sasuke hissed, watching Neji take a gulp of water.

"A dollop of fairy dust."

"So Sasuke, we safe from Tenten here?" Naruto asked, slinking into one of the recliners in the living room, a sudden bang from the basement door and a screetch made him sink into his seat.

"You faggots! I have to shave Sauce-gay's hair remember!"

"I don't know," Sasuke said, sitting next to Naruto.

Everyone was chilling on the couches when suddenly the door to the basement opened and a bunch of people came down.

oOo

"Itachi, un, why are your brothers friends in your room, un?" Deidara asked, scratching his head.

Itachi's eye twitched.

The T.V. was blasting some idiotic reality show with a girl named Snooki, and on the couches lay Sasuke and his fuck head friends. They were all passed out, looking like they were on a really bad trip. Itachi and his gang took notice in all the drugs upstairs, and seems they all O.D.'d.

"I think this girl is dead," Konan said calmly, poking at a girl who had her brown hair tied in two buns on the top of her head.

"Is that Naruto?" Pein asked, scratching at one of his piercings as he walked over to the blonde boy who had his shirt half ripped off and no pants on, leaving him in green stripped boxers.

"Yeah," Itachi sighed, face palming.

"Why do they all look like their dead?" Tobi asked, fear slinking into his childish voice, "TOBI DOESN'T WANNA SEE DEAD PEOPLE ANYMORE!"

"Their not dead, they just did to many mothafuckin' drugs is all you head fuck," Hidan said, laughing maniacly and pulling a boys long brown chestnut hair. He wondered if he used pantene...

"They must've really been trippin'," Konan said, sighing as she looked at the little fucking misfits.

"Guess we'll just have to wait till' they ride off their highs," Pein said, slinking his arm around Konan's waist.

"I think these two girls were fucking," Zetsu's schizo side said, pointing to a pink haired girl and a blonde haired girl.

"That's hot, un."

"I hate my life...," Itachi sighed.

"We hate your fucking life to," Hidan smiled.

-Fin-

**That did not turn out how I wanted it. And yeah I know the drug usage was crazy and by realities laws they should've all been dead. But hey, it's Naruto, maybe their chakra burns off the drugs faster or some shit. Idk. R&R. :D **


End file.
